Why are we going out of the lucrative holiday-letter-writing business? Well, let's just say we hit aJACKPOT this year! Here's the scoop. it turns out that we were specially selected to participate in theTRANSFER OF $45.5 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS from Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow ofthe late Gen. Sani Abacha, FORMER NIGERIAN HEAD OF STATE. WOW! $45 Million dollars! Do youhave any idea how many TONER CARTRIDGES full of V.I.A.G.R.A. that will buy?! We'll finally be ableto ENLARGE our savings by REFINANCING OUR MORTGAGE at LOW LOW RATES. Ooops, I wasreading my email while writing this holiday letter and I got distracted.
Yes, it's 2003, the year of multitasking. Please read this letter while you are doing something else:preferably driving while using your cell phone to check your email. Since you, like us, are undoubtedly toobusy to read the entire 16 page holiday letter (available at http://www.math.gatech.edu/~llefton/holiday_letters), wepresent
From January 1, 2003 until December 31, 2003, the Lew Lefton and Enid Steinbart family met at 141Shadowmoor Drive in Decatur GA. In attendance were board members Lew, Enid, Hannah, Natalie, andMonica. (Note: Hannah, Natalie and Monica sometimes prefer to be called “bored” members.) The girlswere sometimes excused to attend other meetings such as girl scout camp, science fair, swimming, orcatching up on old Simpson's episodes. Ex-officio members Willie the gerbil and Coco and Peppi thegoldfish were in attendance but not permitted to vote.
Enid presented her annual mom report which included a broken wrist in the first quarter followed by adiagnosis of osteopenia in Q2. She now takes her Actonel weekly and has promised not to go roller skatingagain. This summer, Enid informed us that she has accepted the PTA co-vice-presidency. The board feelsthat, as long as it doesn't interfere with her baking we will allow this. Enid also reported an unscheduled caraccident on Natalie and Monica's birthday. Fortunately, no one was hurt and the driver of the other vehiclewas apprehended. This was not a foregone conclusion since said driver was already on foot at the time of theaccident, having abandoned the stolen car while it was still in motion. Enid is encouraged, for the future, toseek approval by filling out the car accident request form (CA-845-16) BEFORE the accident.
Hannah's daughter report highlighted her trip this summer with Aunt Irene. This was a special 10th birthdaypresent which consisted of lets-meet-anywhere-you-want-in-the-continental-US. Hannah naturally choseHershey, PA. Irene tacked on a few days in Amish country, which was great except when Hannah was bit bya dog. It was even more challenging getting the dog owner's contact information back to the senior boardmembers since the family had no phone. Doh! They're Amish!! Hannah continued her report and stated thatshe has taken up the saxophone! She is now both a “patrol” and a student council officer. She continues topursue her goal of being the first US woman president, informing the board that she already has 14 votes.
Apparently that is enough to take Florida.
Natalie bounced a soccer ball throughout her report, reminding us that she was recruited to play on “CoachBob's” all star team this year and they, of course, went undefeated. She has joined the chess club at schooland showed true courage by wearing a funky pink wig and telling jokes during the Winnona Park ElementarySchool Variety Show. This year, Natalie has probably read more books than all the other board members.
combined. And she can dance a pretty nifty little jig.
Monica's report was given as a piece of performance art. We all had hand painted tickets. She demonstratedthat she has met one of her personal goals this year of learning to ride a two-wheeler. She is excited aboutthe new art studio which is being constructed in a corner of the family basement. Her parents are excited toosince the old tables and shelves making up the studio will mean that all the paper, pens, markers, crayons,glue, miscellaneous doo-dads, yarn, glitter, and other art paraphernalia can now have a place to live otherthan the living room floor. Even better, projects can be started and then left to dry without holding thekitchen table hostage. Monica is not taking ballet this year, but she is signed up for a NASA science campthis spring.
All three girls repeated their usual plea to hire additional pets, specifically a dog. This request has beenstalled in the PR (Pet Resources) department for many months, but it seems likely that we will beinterviewing several animals from the local pound, sometime in the first quarter of 2004. We intend to feedthe new dog with lots of homework.
Lew reported that he is becoming more experienced in computer security. This is not simply because hemanages a network of several hundred computers for the Georgia Tech School of Math. It is equallymotivated by the fact that he has three daughters and DSL. He landed a nice juicy grant to buy a cart full oflaptops and build a mobile wireless lab this year, which is good because budgets are tighter than usual thisyear and he was having to play with toys that were over a year old.
The board got together with many of its strategic partners (a.k.a. friends and family) in 2003. We had a factfinding trip to New York in the summer to visit Dione and her new husband Ben. Among the facts we foundwere that it is relaxing to hang out in the Hamptons. Our junior board members also found the fact that, evenin July, the Atlantic beaches are cold and, much to their dismay, “the sand gets everywhere.” Anotherhighlight of our travels was Scott Lefton's Bar Mitzvah in Austin in April. It was wonderful to see family ona happy occasion for a change. The weekend-long party hosted by Lew's cousins Hal and Judi have set anew standard for the word hospitality. We had a great time with Enid's sister Ellen and Lew's sisters Lindaand Irene during their visits to our main branch office in Decatur, GA. As an interested shareholder, you areentitled to stay at our lovely bed and breakfast (and lunch and dinner) facility for free if you bring a signedcopy of this holiday letter!
We broke a lot of ground in 2003 (we broke a lot of wind, too, but we'll save that for the scratch-n-sniffholiday letter next year!). The groundbreaking was due to a major outdoor 'remodel' that includedtemporarily replacing our front and back yards with several tons of dirt, sand, and brick as well as a couple ofbobcats, the kind with gears, not claws. The broken sewer main created a lovely pit toilet in our front yard.
We thought about keeping it because it nicely matched the chemical toilet on our curb which was frequentlyused by random passers-by. However, we decided that the “Superfund” motif was just too 1980's andbesides, under the Bush administration, no one would even notice another environmental eyesore. At the endof it all, we now have a driveway in which we can park our van and actually open the doors! We also have anew retaining wall on the creek that runs through our back yard, a beautiful porch over our front stoop, andlandscaping with plants that ALL have Latin names (pretty upscale, eh?).
The year adjourned at 11:59 PM on December 31. Copies of this letter can be obtained by firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com or calling (404)-377-5631. You may now hang upthe phone and drive.
Happy Hannukah! Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!
FACT SHEET: ©DRINKBE CAFFEINE & CARNITINE 2012 Caffeine Caffeine is unusual in that it is a widely consumed foodstuff, but it is also a drug (that is not currently banned). In fact it is the most widely consumed drug in the world, being found in plant extracts of coffee beans, tea leaves, cocoa beans, cola nuts. It is also added to some soft drinks and medications. L-Ca
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